It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize