And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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