KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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