he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We left the knife in your bed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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