how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
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You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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