She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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