seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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