Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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