I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize