So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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