Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize