a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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