I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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