Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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