look no pants
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize