from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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