So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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