i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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