Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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