i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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