The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize