had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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