I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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