This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize