you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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