ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hippo gnu deer
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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