does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
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what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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