mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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