Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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