i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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