I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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