he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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