My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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