My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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