There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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