I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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