you guys were way drunker than both of me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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