your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I skipped work to stalk him.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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