News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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