Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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