My balls are so social today.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So squirting runs in the family.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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