okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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