You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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