She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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