her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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