I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize