we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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