Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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