Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize