I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize